|Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.|
The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them"It'sa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro."
"Vot do you mean it's illegal?" asks the German driver.
"Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian official.
"Quattro is just ze name of ze automobile" the Germans says unbelievingly. "Look at ze dam papers: ze car is designed to karry 5 persons."
"You canta pulla thata one on me-aa!" replies the Italian customs officer. "Quattro meansa four. You have five-a people ina your car and thereforea youarra breaking da law."
The German driver replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over. I vant to speak to someone viz more intelligence! "
"Sorry" responds the Italian officer, "He can'ta come. He's a busy with a 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."
|Was depressed last night, rang lifeline. Got a call centre in Afghanistan , told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
|THE SPANISH WORD FOR COMPUTER|
|A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.|
|"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa".|
"Pencil", however, is masculine: "el lapiz".
|A student asked: "What gender is computer ?"
|Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.|
|The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender "la computer", because:|
|1||No one but their creator understands their internal logic.|
|2||The native language they use to communicate with other computers is impossible to understand for everyone else.|
|3||Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval.|
|4||As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.|
|The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine "el computer", because:
|1||In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.|
|2||They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves.|
|3||They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.|
|4||As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.|
|The women won.|
|There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. The police came and took the drunk guy to jail.|
|The next day the man went before the judge. The judge asked the man, "Where do you work?"|
|The man said, "Here and there."|
|The judge asked the man, "What do you do for a living?"|
|The man said, "This and that."|
|The judge then said, "Take him away."|
|The man said, "Wait, judge, when will I get out?"|
|The judge said to the man, "Sooner or later..."|
|The Indians asked their Chief in autumn if the winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing an answer, the chief
replies that the winter was going to be cold, and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared for a cold winter.|
|Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter
to be cold?" The man on the phone responded, "This winter was going to be quite cold indeed."|
|So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National
Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"|
|"Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter." So the Chief goes back to his people and
orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find.|
|Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again "Are you absolutely sure that the winter
is going to be very cold?"|
|"Absolutely, we made a study" the weather man replies, "
the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"|
|Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.|
|"If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades," boasts Gates, "you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50."|
|"Sure," says the GM chairman. "But would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"|
|Which Type Of Woman do you like?|
|a. HARD-DISK Woman:||She remembers everything you say and do, FOREVER!!!|
|b. WINDOWS Woman:||Everyone knows that she can't do anything right, but you can't live without her.|
|c. EXCEL Woman:||They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for only four of your basic needs.|
|d. SCREENSAVER Woman:||She is good for nothing functional, but at least she is exciting, colourful, and lots of fun!|
|e. INTERNET Woman:||Difficult to access and hard to keep running !!!|
|f. SERVER Woman:||Claims to be available to you, but Always busy when you need her.|
|g. MULTIMEDIA Woman:||She has a way of making horrible things look very beautiful.|
|h. CD-ROM Woman:||She always has you on the move, going faster and faster!!!|
|i. E-MAIL Woman:||Out of Every ten things she says, eight are plain nonsense.|
|j. VIRUS Woman:||Also known as "WIFE"; when you are least expecting her, she shows up, installs herself, and starts gobbling up all your resources. If you try to uninstall her, you will lose almost every thing. If you don't try to uninstall her, you will still have nothing.|